Capricorpse Horrorscope

Ah, Capricorpse, the celestial custodian of to-do lists that resemble ancient scrolls. Today, the universe has chosen to bestow upon you the rare opportunity to finish something without starting five new projects in its place. Bask in the glory of brief accomplishment, but don't get too comfortable. The cosmos is watching, and it knows that procrastination is merely delayed regret.

Your ambitions might feel like a bottomless pit today, not unlike your email inbox. Remember, even Sisyphus took a break once in a while – or so he hoped, before the universe played its cruel trick. Consider delegating a task or two to that imaginary assistant you keep dreaming about. They don't demand wages, only the occasional acknowledgment of their nonexistence.

This is an excellent day to reflect on your goals, or at least stare vacantly at them as they stare back menacingly. Keep an eye out for signs from the universe, like an unexpected breeze flicking your sticky notes to the floor, indicating it's time to embrace chaos. Or maybe it's just telling you to close the window.