Grimini Horrorscope

Oh, Grimini, today's celestial performance will reflect your dualistic nature as if the universe were a poorly rehearsed improv troupe. The stars suggest a day that teeters between triumph and catastrophe, much like your ability to simultaneously find and lose your keys on a daily basis. Embrace the chaos, or at least nod knowingly as it passes by.

Duality will reign supreme today, as you find yourself arguing internally over whether to indulge in that existential crisis now or save it for later when you're more caffeinated. Try to make sure both sides of you are wearing matching socks before leaving the house, as mismatched footwear could lead to quantum entanglements. You wouldn't want your left foot attending a meeting while your right foot relaxes at home.

The afternoon brings an opportunity for revelation, or at least a mild epiphany. Pay close attention to the coded messages in your spam emails—one might just hold the key to understanding how to assemble an IKEA bookshelf without missing pieces. In other words, the universe is reminding you that you're pretty good at solving puzzles, even if they sometimes involve furniture.